Why guys dont take me seriously

I'm 26, almost 27 and haven't had a relationship for 2.5 years. Since then, I just haven't met a single guy who I'm interested in who is interested in a relationship and not just sex.

My ex of 3 years was abusive, cheated, said he didn't love me anymore and got with his colleague immediately after.

Since then, I've dated 2 guys each for 1-2 months, both who told me they wanted us to keep seeing each other but 'needed time' to see if it would develop further.. after 2 months I asked them whether it would be a relationship or not and they told me they 'didn't have the conection' even though I was a lovely girl, attractive they liked me etc. They didn't tell me this or end it themselves; it was me who had to bring it out of them.

Another guy I met was admittedly honest from the start; said he didn't have feelings for me ,wasn't looking for a serious relationship and just wanted to be FWB, even though like the other 2 he really liked me ,I was really kind funny intelligent etc.

There have been two other guys who I was blatantly stupid to believe; who lied about liking me and looking for a relationship and showered me with all sorts of compliments just to get me into bed.

I have a female friend aged 31 who always seems to sleep with the guys on the 2nd or 3rd date, but she always ends up in a relationship with them.

I know I will surely get the blame for sleeping with them before things were official, but I have many friends who have done the same and who still ended up in a relationship with the guy and I feel like I am being unfairly blamed in that respect.

The guys were all a similar age, some a year or two younger but all had had girlfriends before and I don't understnad why they all decided I was worth nothing serious.

I am educated, have a good job, I travel, speak other languages, I have hobbies and I think I am a nice person with a good sense of humour, and a good listener. I am aware that in the past I've come across as very keen with guys and this is something I am trying to work on.

I have been told I'm attractive and these guys say I have a great body and am very pretty etc. but I just don't understand.

I don't start overtly sexual with them; I try to talk about a wide range of things and if i've been seeing a guy I've always suggested going places together and doing things.. my friends and family say that I need to be looking for older guys, 30+..

I don't even think there is anybody who's potentially interested that I'm overlooking. My 2 best male friends are gay and there is another who always flirts with me and makes comments about my body but I bet he has no feelings.

It's not that I need somebody; being single is absolutely fine but I am just sick of men only seeing me as someone to have sex with and not caring about me as a person/never having feelings for me.

Any advice/things I may be doing wrong? Thanks

Sorry.

I just can't take you seriously.

Advice.

For starters at the end of your post add a TLDR, because some peoples eyes on TSR are degrading after the numerous troll threads.

For anyone wondering:
TLDR:

Spoiler:

Show

OP is drop dead gorgeous but she wants a relationship but feels like the men are in it for just the sexual intercourse.
Her friends on the other hand have sex with the guy quickly however they end up in a relationship.

If you want me to be honest I'd recommend you abstain from anything sexual for a couple months and see how it progresses.

To be a bit more helpful.

Don't stress about it. It will happen when it happens. Do you get out? Do you meet new people on a regular basis? Have you considered / tried dating sites on the Interwebs? (You'll deffo not get blokes who just want to have sex there)

If you try to get into a relationship, you'll probably just end up with someone who you shouldn't be in a relationship with.

Look for older men as men your age do not want a serious relationship for the most part. Mentally they are less mature and aren’t ready to settle down and an age gap of 1-6 years isn’t such a big deal

Where are you meeting these guys, if I may ask?

Without sounding harsh, maybe your judgement regarding lads just isn't too good.

You're not doing anything wrong, it's nothing to do with you, it's them. You just need to be patient and find a guy who wants a romantic relationship with you, and not just sex.

(Original post by Anonymous)
my friends and family say that I need to be looking for older guys, 30+..

there is another who always flirts with me and makes comments about my body but I bet he has no feelings.

Hmm... so maybe actually listen to what your friends and family are saying and try looking for older guys then? I'm 28 and I just want someone to cuddle and been there for me. Not all guys just want to use a girl for sex you know

Also this guy who flirts with you, how do you know he has no feelings? Jesus woman, find out for definite! He could be the one and, if so, he's been under your nose this whole time!

Thanks for the replies! Two of the guys I met through my Masters, one on Tinder and one on another site.. I have had friends who are in serious relationships with people from Tinder but I feel like on the whole people are looking for hookups.

My friend has said stuff to me like " I wouldn't kick you out of bed." And "Nice cleavage" which makes me think he is purely phyiscally attracted and these comments also make me question how much he respects me.

I don't sleep with many guys; I have been with 2 since mid-2016, but I just don't understand how my friends can also sleep fairly quickly with men and end up in relationships.

It just makes me feel low; I really don't know what they are looking for. None of them are models with every single redeeming quality imaginable yet I feel like I mustn't be good enough for them and that they have incredibly high standards. Anyway, I need to learn to be happier alone and stop getting down about it !

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the replies! Two of the guys I met through my Masters, one on Tinder and one on another site.. I have had friends who are in serious relationships with people from Tinder but I feel like on the whole people are looking for hookups.

My friend has said stuff to me like " I wouldn't kick you out of bed." And "Nice cleavage" which makes me think he is purely phyiscally attracted and these comments also make me question how much he respects me.

I don't sleep with many guys; I have been with 2 since mid-2016, but I just don't understand how my friends can also sleep fairly quickly with men and end up in relationships.

It just makes me feel low; I really don't know what they are looking for. None of them are models with every single redeeming quality imaginable yet I feel like I mustn't be good enough for them and that they have incredibly high standards. Anyway, I need to learn to be happier alone and stop getting down about it !

You have just been unlucky thus far. From what you have written, you haven't done anything strange hence why I asked where you had met these guys but it seems you have met these guys through different ways.

Personally, I think you just haven't found someone who you are compatible with and that's all there is to it. Maybe your friends are more what's the word...simple minded, open? hence their personalities mesh easier with the average guy.

I have no doubt that if how you described yourself is indeed true, the right guy will come eventually. Focus your energy on having a good time regardless.

Thanks! Yeah, I just don't know how it's possible to be this unlucky so many times :/ I think I'm open-minded; I've lived in different countries and like to travel when I can, and the guys all said that I'm very nice ,easy to talk to, interesting, funny,intelligent etc. and one even said I had everything going for me, and I don't want to sound arrogant but I don't think my friends have any particularly interesting hobbies or are particularly kinder/more attractive yet seem to find boyfriends no problem..

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the replies! Two of the guys I met through my Masters, one on Tinder and one on another site.. I have had friends who are in serious relationships with people from Tinder but I feel like on the whole people are looking for hookups.

My friend has said stuff to me like " I wouldn't kick you out of bed." And "Nice cleavage" which makes me think he is purely phyiscally attracted and these comments also make me question how much he respects me.

I don't sleep with many guys; I have been with 2 since mid-2016, but I just don't understand how my friends can also sleep fairly quickly with men and end up in relationships.

It just makes me feel low; I really don't know what they are looking for. None of them are models with every single redeeming quality imaginable yet I feel like I mustn't be good enough for them and that they have incredibly high standards. Anyway, I need to learn to be happier alone and stop getting down about it !

I feel the exact same way as you! it sucks

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks! Yeah, I just don't know how it's possible to be this unlucky so many times :/ I think I'm open-minded; I've lived in different countries and like to travel when I can, and the guys all said that I'm very nice ,easy to talk to, interesting, funny,intelligent etc. and one even said I had everything going for me, and I don't want to sound arrogant but I don't think my friends have any particularly interesting hobbies or are particularly kinder/more attractive yet seem to find boyfriends no problem..

Hahaha...I actually think the guys you meet are most likely intimidated by you (in terms of keeping up). This can actually happen more often than you think.

(Original post by Zelex)
Hahaha...I actually think the guys you meet are most likely intimidated by you (in terms of keeping up). This can actually happen more often than you think.

Oh really? Someone else told me that but I never thought of it that way.. I am actually quite shy and nervous and this can often come across with guys I like.. I've never considered myself as intimidating to them, but the thing is I'd have thought that if they were intimidated or whatever that they wouldn't be happy to sleep with me then say I was just a friend or whatever; they wouldn't approach me full stop.

Curious post, got me thinking.

Never occured to me that pretty girls would find it more difficult to attract a serious partner. Since they're so attractive, they get hit on all the time. But only by guys after one thing.

Maybe, start approaching, or at least sending out signals to, blokes who are less less hot in physical appearance than you'd usually be attracted to. Don't judge a book and all that. You might find your perfect match, a real soulmate, that way.

Me myself, I like to keep in reasonable shape, but know I'm at best moderately above average in looks, nothing special. And, least since i left my mid 20's, personality >>> looks every time to me. Give some average looking dudes a chance?

thanks for the reply! I understand what you say, but the thing is several of these guys have been very average-looking; I haven't fallen for them for their appearance.

A guy I am currently crazy about (but who only wants FWB) is very short, balding and out of shape, and not considered 'typically hot'... the other guys as well were even called 'ugly' by people Iknow but I fell for them..2 of them even told me that physically I was much more attractive than they were, and yet still they weren't interested in me.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh really? Someone else told me that but I never thought of it that way.. I am actually quite shy and nervous and this can often come across with guys I like.. I've never considered myself as intimidating to them, but the thing is I'd have thought that if they were intimidated or whatever that they wouldn't be happy to sleep with me then say I was just a friend or whatever; they wouldn't approach me full stop.

Not necessarily, when I say intimidated I'm referring more to your mentality, ideals and possibly future potential. Some guys may feel insecure at the prospect of dating someone they feel is "better" than them. There are these constant thoughts such as "What if she leaves me for someone more educated, more money", "How do I keep up with her" "I have to continue to impress her so she won't get bored". Most people (guys especially with their ego) want to avoid entering such situations, so will target someone their "level".

I agree with what you're saying, 100%. But in the case I feel like they would not have slept with me or wanted to be FWB/see me casually; they would have just completely left it if they thought I was too good... I mean that's the way I see it anyway, I don't know

(Original post by Anonymous)
I agree with what you're saying, 100%. But in the case I feel like they would not have slept with me or wanted to be FWB/see me casually; they would have just completely left it if they thought I was too good... I mean that's the way I see it anyway, I don't know

They would 100%.. Men would jump at the opportunity. A FWB arrangement would avoid the need to be emotionally committed and avoid all the needless stress.

If you are a person on average salary, would you rather hire a Ferrari indefinitely only needing to pay for the petrol costs or buy one which would include maintenance costs, insurance etc.

I'm am sure the right guy will come along!

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