Can you have a bridal shower if you are having a small wedding

Are you wondering if you can invite someone to the wedding shower that isn’t invited to the wedding? We’ll help clear the air on this common etiquette question. But first, subscribe to the newsletter for the latest to your inbox!

Table of Contents Show

Invite to Bridal Shower But Not Wedding?
Can You Have a Bridal Shower If You Are Having a Small Wedding?
Do You Have to Invite Everyone From the Wedding to the Shower?
Can I have a bridal shower if im having a destination wedding?
When should you not have a bridal shower?
Who should not throw a bridal shower?
What is the average number of guests at a bridal shower?

Here’s a wedding etiquette question that brides wonder all the time… and most recently written to us by bride-to-be, Brianne.

Can you invite someone to the bridal shower if they’re NOT invited to the wedding? This is a good question.

She is planning a fall wedding, but due to space restrictions of her reception venue, she cannot invite more than 100 wedding guests in total. However, she has more extended family, co-workers, and friends she wishes she could invite and simply cannot due to space restraints.

invite by paper sun studio

She writes,

“Can I invite a guest to the bridal shower that is not invited to the wedding? I have many extended family members that I could not invite to the wedding, along with some co-workers and friends. I want to invite everyone but just can’t, so is it OK to invite them to the shower even though they’re not invited to the wedding?”

Great question, Brianne!

I’ve heard this question posed many times. Unfortunately, I don’t think it will be the answer you’re hoping for.

Invite to Bridal Shower But Not Wedding?

No. As a rule of thumb, you should not invite any guests to the wedding shower that aren’t also invited to the wedding. By inviting them to the shower, you’re telling them they are important to you and, as such, should also make the cut for the guest list for your wedding.

Some people say it looks like a “cash / gifts grab”, aka a way to ask for more gifts. Others say it is just rude, asking someone to come to one event but excluding them from another.

I understand how restrictions on space for venues can be and I know that’s probably not the answer you wanted.

If you’re still set on inviting these guests to your wedding shower, there is only one option to do it etiquette-wise: change your venue and increase the number of wedding guests in attendance. This way, you can invite everyone to the shower (and all guests will be invited to the wedding).

By following this tried-and-true etiquette rule, your life will be much easier — you won’t have guests with hurt feelings.

Can You Have a Bridal Shower If You Are Having a Small Wedding?

On a similar topic, YES! You can have a bridal shower if you are having a small wedding but again, the same rule applies. You have to invite everyone from your bridal shower to your wedding.

Do You Have to Invite Everyone From the Wedding to the Shower?

Okay, now let’s switch it up a bit: do you have to invite everyone from the wedding to the bridal shower? No. Your bridal shower is a unique celebration that invites those closest to you. In order to do this, you should only invite your closest family and friends to the wedding shower. So, it’s the reverse: everyone who is invited to the shower must ALSO be invited to the wedding.

But not everyone invited to the wedding must be invited to the shower.

I hope that makes sense. :)

If you need more tips on the guest list, read: Here Is EXACTLY Who Gets Invited to the Bridal Shower.

Hope it helps!

xo
Emma

Emma Arendoski

Emma Arendoski is a leading wedding expert, event planner, published author ("The Inspired Wedding" + "The Handcrafted Wedding"), podcaster, and CEO of Emmaline Bride.

Greetings All, I am planning a small-ish (less than 70) wedding for this fall. However, my fiance and I have a very large circle of friends and family, also we both go to fairly large churches. Our venue only holds about 70 and we both wanted a small wedding. We would love to celebrate with everyone, but just can't have them at our wedding. So my question is, is it beyond rude to invite people (or allow the invitation to be 'open church') to a bridal shower or engagement party if they're not invited to the wedding?

Edit Is it still considered rude if it's noted that a gift isn't necessary?

Can I have a bridal shower if im having a destination wedding?

Like traditional weddings, many couples celebrate their wedding with a bridal or wedding shower before they leave for their trip. Particularly when couples choose a destination wedding, showers become a great way to celebrate with close family and friends who may not be able to attend the actual ceremony.

When should you not have a bridal shower?

Think as Goldilocks would, but instead of too hard or too soft or too hot or too cold, avoid too early in your engagement or too close to your wedding. One month to three months before you get married is the sweet spot for bridal shower timing.

Who should not throw a bridal shower?

No matter who is hosting, be sure to communicate clearly to make sure you aren't planning two separate showers. Traditional etiquette says the mother or mother-in-law (or any relatives, for that matter) should steer clear from hosting as it can appear that they are directly asking for gifts.